Headed for the Gulf?
by admin on Feb.25, 2010, under Male Masterbation - Top Toys
If you have a husband or boyfriend serving in the military and they’re deployed in Iraq or Afghanistan, did you know it’s ok to send them a sex toy? We checked it out, and there’s no law to say you can’t, which must mean that you can. Especially when you consider that several female military personnel are allowed to bring their BOB’s (battery operated boyfriends) with them.
Does your hero long for a blowjob? Of course he does. Now there’s no need for him to go without some oral loving just because you can’t be there to give it to him. And rather than him getting up to no good in hot and sticky climes, send him the Autoblow Blast and he can get up to a whole lot of good in the privacy of his own latrine.
The Autoblow Blast is the world’s first fully automatic blowjob machine. Being a brave hero in difficult conditions, he might be used to things getting abit exciting, but nothing like as exciting as the Autoblow Blast. That’s because the Autoblow works his shaft from top to bottom as fast or as slow as he wants to take it with the multi-speed controller.
Our boys serving their country deserve the best, and the Autoblow is the best automatic blowjob a man can get.
Check it out at www.roboticblowjob.com
Spankus interruptus
by admin on Jan.15, 2010, under Male Masterbation - General
It’s tough enough to gather up sufficient male masterbation imagery for a good meaningful session without the whole thing being ruined by the exasperating intrusion of reality. This is a daily hazard if you are a teenager living at home, a college student with roomies, a married man with kids, in fact a whole chunk of male society save the lucky guy who can afford his own apartment or the serial loner with a five a day ‘bashing the Bishop’ habit.
Say, for the sake of example, during the course of your day you were fortunate enough to catch a glimpse in a mall changing room or a distant bedroom of this bountifully bottomed babe in our picture. Inevitably the sight of such major melon cheeks would compel you to get home as fast as possible to fantasize. In your mind you are easing those lacy panties down, the seams straining over the large curvature of the twin globes. Next you imagine having the mighty butt cheeks in the palms of your hands, cool and soft to the touch. Slapping them and watching them wobble, you apply baby oil and slick them down till the large and lovely surface of her moons are a shiny ice rink of desire. Then you get down and dirty with her and it’s all coming together so nicely that you simply have to get to the bathroom to exorcise this symphony of sizzling images from your brain.
It’s just as you are into your rhythm that reality intrudes. It’s never while you are innocently contemplating it, the unwritten law is that it must always be when you are actually doing it. It could be a voice, a knock on the door, or worse still, an attempt to open the door.
It could be your wife, your kid, your best friend, but at this moment they are the most annoying Goddamn person in the world. They have committed the heinous crime of ‘spankus interruptus’ and you are the victim.
At this moment you have a choice; either try and offer up some weak excuse and carry on thrusting away, or act instinctively and get those pants back up quicker than the images have been dashed from your mind. Ten seconds earlier it was all going so well, and the train would have arrived steaming in the station at any moment. But now you’re answering dumb questions about whether you’re in there, and more annoyingly, what are you doing in there?
This inevitably puts you in a bad mood, and however hard you try to act nonchalant, there’s an aura given off by guilty monkey spankers that says,’ I was up to no good, caught in possession of a deadly weapon.’ The irritation is merely increased by remarks such as “Are you all right you look a bit pale” or, from a knowing friend, “Did I catch you shaking one off?”
The tragedy of ‘spankus interruptus’ is that good jerk-off material is very hard to recapture, it’s an ‘in the moment’ thing, and once the moment has gone, the show’s over, and you missed the satisfying denouement.
Necessity might be the mother of invention, but reality is a bastard.
Winning the war on wank – a Presidential Commission into spanking the monkey
by admin on Jan.15, 2010, under Male Masterbation - General
In today’s more enlightened times it’s deemed politically incorrect and deeply unfashionable to look unkindly upon any teenage boy caught shuffling his pack, hell, you could even be sued. So who better than politically incorrect and deeply unfashionable former President George W. Bush to head up a committee into shedding light on the tell tale signs we should all look for in teenage gorilla grappling.
These signs, and the committee’s subsequent advice for dealing with them, are listed here:
Desire for privacy: If your boy is locking himself away in his bedroom, it’s your duty to find out what is going on in there. Ignore the phoney ‘Danger Radiation Zone’ signs on the door. Even if you can’t find any physical evidence, sniff the air. If it’s musky, that’s a sure sign your boy has been worshipping at the altar of the one eyed trouser snake.
Depression: Sure, all teenagers are depressed, they have a lot to be depressed about, but if in addition to depression he is skulking, sulking and withdrawn, he’s either being a typical teenager and/or he’s fisting a crafty one behind your back.
Communist tendencies: It’s a known fact that all left wing under-the-bed pinkoes and detainees in Guantanamo are flagrantly encouraging our youth to bother the badger as a means of subverting our young. If your boy expresses a view slightly left of centre, like, for example, sympathy for the unemployed, be suspicious.
Underwear check: Don’t be ashamed to line your boys up twice daily and check their underwear for give away boy sap stains. You are saving them from the fires of Hell! Heck, they should be offering up their underpants and praising the Lord!
Music: Is your boy into rap, punk, thrash metal or some of this other God awful ear torture that passes for music these days? All the lyrics in these so called songs are full of pernicious incitements to get your boy to jerk himself to the edge of insanity or beyond. Ban it. Black bag the whole evil collection and bin it or take it them to one of them sleazy second hand record stores and earn yourself some handy gas cash.
Denial: If your boy denies he is masturbating that means one of two things. He is either lying or standing up, but either way, he is jerking off.
America can sleep safe in the knowledge that former President Bush has found such an important vocation following his tenure in the White House. And to think we worried what would have become of him.
Got the horn? Ditch the porn and get the Autoblow Blast!
by admin on Jan.07, 2010, under Male Masterbation - Sex Toys
In all probability, you have come here because you love masturbating. Well, you’ve come to the right place. We want to introduce you to the machine of your dreams. It’s called the Autoblow Blast, and it will blow you like you’ve never been blown before. It will make your toes curl and your face pucker in an eye crossing orgasm.
The Autoblow Blast is a fully automatic blowjob machine that enables you to sit back and receive an authentic deep throat blowjob whenever you want it. You simply insert your lubed-up cock into the silicone sleeve, switch on the multi-speed controller, and the beads will ride up and down your erection as slow or as fast as you like.
It’s a guaranteed blowjob whenever the urge takes, but here’s another big bonus – one of the key advantages of the Autoblow Blast is that it is such a complete sensation in itself that it does not require viewing of vast amounts of pornographic material in order to achieve the big ‘O’.
Think about it, do you read porn mags while receiving a blowjob! Do you feel the need to watch porn after enjoying a really satisfying orgasm? Once you’ve blown your stack, porn material seems boring and repetitive. And let’s face it, it is! No one watches a porn movie for the scintillating acting or ingenious plot development. And it’s only of interest at the time you need another hit.
Of course, male masturbation is a normal part of human behavior, however, with the free and easy access to nearly unlimited amounts of pornography on the internet these days, millions of people are finding they are stoking – or should that be stroking – an addiction and spending more and more time online simply trying to find good masturbatory material. With the Autoblow Blast, you can ditch the arduous, time wasting porn search in favor of a satisfying and highly engaging deep throat blowjob session.
Many highly intelligent guys literally spend hours every day combing the net just for porn to get off on, and the longer they search the harder it is to find a satisfying hit. We’re all in favour of masturbation, but we believe you deserve a life.
If porn is your thing, fine, but if you’ve been trying to cut back on your online porn consumption, next time you get the horn, forget the porn and try the Autoblow Blast.
Less time required to get off means you have more time to do other stuff. There’s a whole world out there, and your Autoblow can sit there quietly for when you next need it. Find out more about the Autoblow at www.roboticblowjob.com
